I am broken...and it is good.

Friends of Burayu,

Last week I returned home from our trip to Ethiopia and visits to Burayu with this team.  I love going everytime, but it's the return days that I reflect, wrestle, and grow the most.  We certainly have stories and photos to sort through and share with all of you, but for now I will share some of my story.

Making sense of my life on this side of the globe is different and sometimes difficult after leaving a piece of my heart behind.  This year, on my way up north to pick up my children after landing back on American soil 24 hours prior, I stopped by my sister's house just to give a hug.  She asked how I was doing and the only response I could think of was, "I am broken.  I am broken...and it is good."  This confuses me and makes perfect sense to me all at the same time.  I can feel weak, incapable, confused by my life circumstances and wonder if those same circumstances are a gift or a challenge after experiencing the simple joys of the Ethiopian people. Here's how I made sense of this dilemma in my hours in the car last week. 

There is a peace knowing that through the brokenness, comes a great fulfillment.  2 Corinthians speaks of Paul's thorn and God's grace: "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

Two team members happened to choose the same verses for our morning reflections. In Matthew 6 it talks for 8 or so verses about the needlessness of worry.  A trip to Africa can bring plenty of opportunities to worry for me and my friends and family.  I know that worry cannot add a second to my life.  But for me, saying "do not worry" is only a piece of the puzzle.  Alone, it is a task of omission. For me it's incomplete. The more I try to omit, the more obsessed I may actually become about it.  For example, I read Jen Hatmaker's book, Seven.  She simplified her life in so many ways by omitting many options.  It is a concept I do like, but it did lead her to write an entire book about her relationship with stuff.  Our team also spoke about that certain and mysterious peace that passes understanding.  I cannot help but think that the peace is not something God can give us, but something that is always there, that I must reach out and grab.  I can omit the worry, but I must grab the peace.  Personally, I must put my focus on grabbing the peace and the ability to boast in my weaknesses as things come into play that I would like to omit...else I again become a complete failure in my attempts.

8Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. 9The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

There are many noble, good, pure and honorable things going on with our third world friends.  Years ago, my brokenness and failures would have shamed me and taken forefront in my life until I was successful at the daunting task of omitting those 'shameful happenings'.  Now I know, I am broken...and it is good, my friends.  Thank you to this year's team for laughing with me (and at me), crying with me, praying with me, growing and living with me.  I hope that you too will someday consider stumbling along this journey with us too.

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